sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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