So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
false alarm, still single
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
