You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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