My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
