Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
