I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
