My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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