I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize