SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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