you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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