im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
