Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize