I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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