And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
