we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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