I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
