I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
