Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
