my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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