well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
smell my finger.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We're too hungover to prance.
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