I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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