i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
is it fun? or sober?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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