Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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