Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
