i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
