Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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