I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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