How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
