Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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