At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize