I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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