I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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