we have pet lesbian snakes
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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