so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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