I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Come share oat with me in your robe
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
