I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
