how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize