I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
