bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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