she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
