I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
