New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
