Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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