I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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