my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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