you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
