So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
