It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
