Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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