just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
