Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
