I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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