We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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