i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
