I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize