Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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