i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
