If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize