woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize