got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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