i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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