when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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