the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I love having hate sex.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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