So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
