I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
