exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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